New Study on American Families Provides Some Positive Surprises

“Parents today don’t spend enough time with their children.” If you agree with this statement, you're in good company. Eighty-five percent of Americans agree with you.

But, a recently released four-decades-long study begs to differ. The study, Changing Rhythms of American Family Life, by sociologists Suzanne M. Bianchi, John P. Robinson, and Melissa A. Milkie (published this month by the American Sociological Association), concludes that the time parents spend with their children has actually increased since 1965: married mother’s by 21 percent, married fathers by 153 percent, and unmarried mothers by 57 percent.

Impressive numbers. So why do so many of us think families are a mess and parents are barely in touch with their kids?

Bianchi, et al, explain that America’s misperception is based on two key factors. First, more than we ever have in the past, we believe today that “larger quantities of parental time are not only morally right, but also critical to the proper development of the child.” With expectations so high, it’s no wonder parents rarely feel they've spent enough time with their kids. And second, we have a strong “nostalgia for a mythical past—one in which family time is believed to have existed as relatively uncomplicated, freely chosen, and rejuvenating.”

And here’s a surprise: Only about half of American families in 1950s and 60s actually fit the Ozzie and Harriet model of breadwinning father/homemaking mother. Oh, the power of the TV image.

One significant benefit of parenting in our current times, the study points out, is that women and men have much more choice about whether to have children, when, and how many. As a result, more parents are older when they have children and more are college graduates or have at least some college education. Older, educated parents tend to be more emotionally mature and financially settled. They also tend to have fewer children, so their attention is drawn in fewer directions.

There’s no denying it, families today are more complicated, but the study’s authors say their evidence “paints a rather optimistic picture of family change.”

They conclude:

Families can undergo great change and still somehow protect that which seems most dear. Mothers are maintaining high levels of investment in child rearing, fathers are increasing theirs, so that mothers and fathers are increasingly sharing the demands of parenting. The transformation seems widespread, well under way, yet still evolving. . . . The revolution in mother’s paid work has not been without cost, be we are most impressed with family life’s amazing resilience in the face of unprecedented social change.

So, parents everywhere, give yourselves a break. And while you're relaxing, read our earlier positive parenting report, Boys, They Aren't What They Used To Be.